The Kids are All Right

My name is Jack Dearing. Ashley was my 2nd cousin once removed. I am doing a project in school about someone who you are related to who went through a struggle in life. If you could, could you send me some info. on what he liked to do, such as hobbies or sports, in his free time.

Thank You,

Jack

Hi Jack. It's nice that you have chosen Ashley for your project. He was a unique and very special person, and he had a profound effect on many people. I knew Ashley beginning in elementary school and can remember when he first got sick, when we were in elementary school. The teacher talked about cancer, and let us know that Ashley had leukemia. She would read us letters he sent along to the class when he was away and give us updates on how he was doing. For some reason, I remember the teacher reading a letter from Ashley where he talked about having ice cream (chocolate, I think) and I was really happy to hear that he was well enough to eat ice cream. The first time he came back to school, he wore a baseball cap because all his hair had been shaved. They didn't let kids wear hats in school as a rule, but they gave Ashley an exception. Most of my interactions with Ashley were at school or at boy scouts, as he was in and out of school a lot for treatments.

When we were in junior high at Edwards, I was in Latin class with Ashley during 8th grade. He was in and out of a wheelchair then because he had been going through a lot of chemo and was weak sometimes. We had Latin club, and Ashley ran for vice president. He had a poster for the day of the election but wasn't going to be there because he had a treatment, and he asked me and I think one other person to show the poster and talk about why he wanted to be VP. He did win, but again was in and out a lot. I remember talking to Ashley once at lunch break at Edwards. We were sitting on the curb near the basketball goals and I was asking him questions about how he was doing. He always kept his spirits up the best he could. I remember asking him if he was afraid to die, and he replied by saying something like “I can't waste my time thinking like that.” It's funny because after all these years, I remember the question I asked, the look on his face, but not his exact words. What I do remember is that he was brave and resilient, and whenever I talked to him, he was thinking about the future and planning to be there.

My brother Aaron was one of the scouts who helped with his Eagle scout project, the park that was renamed for him after he died. I was sick or something that day, so I didn't help. I wish I had.

When Ashley died, it was the first time I had known someone my age to die. His boy scout troop all attended, wearing our uniforms, and I remember one of the speakers (maybe the preist or pastor) talk about watching Ashley play soccer, and about how he worked so diligently toward becoming an Eagle Scout. The speaker remarked how Ashley was wise beyond his years, and lived his life with a maturity and sense of purpose that many adults lack. Those words were an appropriate tribute to Ashley. He lived his life facing forward with hope, he worked hard, and he was kind and loving toward everyone he met. His life was a great example to me and to many others who knew him, and the world is a better place because he was in it.

Thanks so much for writing me, Jack. I hope that my comments will be helpful to you. Good luck with your project!

I had another thought. Would you like me to get you in touch with other classmates to learn more about Ashley? I am Facebook friends with a lot of them.

Sean, this was a great article and a poignant reminder of a kid who was gone way too soon. I, too, grew up in Clemson and Ashley was a friend of mine, as well. I remember walking into Edwards the morning he died and sensing how palpable the sadness was in the cafeteria. Even after all of these years I know I still grieve for the auburn-haired boy who was always smiling. He was, as you say, an inspiration and I have often wondered what he would have become had he had a chance to grow up like us. When my children, ages 3 and 1, are old enough, they will learn of Ashley and the challenges he endured and how he affected the lives, even decades later, of everyone who was fortunate enough to know him.

Hi Bob,

I remember you. Man, it has been a long time. Thanks for reading and commenting. It’s been almost a year since I wrote that post, and I’ve been getting updates from kids back at Penn State about Dance Marathon, which will be happening really soon. It’s a time every year I spend thinking about Ashley and the impact that knowing him had on my life. When we were thinking of names for my son, I talked with my wife about naming him Ashley, since it is a good name and (in the South at least) also a good name for boys. But it is one of the most popular names for girls ever since Mary Kate and Ashley. We ended up naming him Brendan (my brother Aaron’s middle name). But that will tell you the kind of impact Ashley had on me. His spirit endures in many who knew him.