Yay for Diversity!
This is a two-part series on helping scratch the surface of dealing with difference for the first time on campus.
Last week, I shared with our readers the joys and struggles that come along with college students experiencing difference for the first time on campus. Whether it is because of coming from a small town, or not being used to such a wide variety of people, encountering difference can be challenging for some students and their families. Today I will share some tips for the new student, as well as the family/hometown friends on how to help their student adjust and embrace this newfound diversity on campus.
For the student
- Don’t judge the difference. One of the things I see often in my professional experiences is students placing judgment on others that are different from them. That judgment can come in something as simple as “they are lesser than me” because they ________ (speak a different first language, have different colored skin, come from a different country, date people of the same sex, etc) or it can be something more prominent as outwardly attacking another group through telling discriminating jokes in public, writing nasty things on someone’s dry erase board in the halls, or bullying another individual on campus. It is natural for us as human beings to “reel back in” when we encounter something new, but I encourage you to challenge your beliefs and don’t judge what you encounter.
- Attempt to understand. Often times, our judgment or confusion about difference comes from pure misunderstanding. Take the time to get to know someone as a person, then get to know them as someone who is different. As you get to know someone, they will be more likely (and often times very willing) to share aspects of their culture, beliefs, etc with you.
- Be brave and confront yourself and others. As a young person, it can be really daunting to confront yourself and your peers about negative beliefs and actions. This could result in you being made fun of by your friends, or being cast out from your social group. But, confronting your peers and correcting them (saying something like “What do you really mean when you say ‘that’s so gay’?”) can be a really powerful and life changing thing. Besides, if your “friends” don’t believe in what you say, you don’t need them as friends anyway.
- Try something new. I was in grad school before I really began to understand Native American culture, despite growing up in the upper Midwest. I did so by taking an opportunity to do a class project centered around powwows and the local tribe near my school. I went to the local powwow and was the only (visible) white person there, but it was great to try something new. People recognized that I was doing something new and different from what I was used to, and I thus I met a lot of people and they taught me a lot about the culture. Trying something new helped me learn about our differences and similarities, and also a lot of history that’s not in the books!
For the family/hometown friends
- Don’t judge the difference. Notice a similarity from above? As parents, family members, or friends from childhood, you have a lot of influence on what your student thinks and how they shape their world. When your student shares that they met a Muslim student or their lab partner is gay, support them through this experience by not casting your judgment down on their experience. Or, if you have positive things to add to their new experiences and learning about difference, do share them so they know they are getting support from home.
- Understand “those people” exist everywhere. I often hear parents and families say things like “well, those kind of people aren’t where we are from.” So what?!? Just because someone of a different race, religion, or sexual orientation doesn’t exist in your town doesn’t mean your student shouldn’t be exposed to them and learn in community from them. Besides, the trend is more and more that students don’t return to their hometowns after graduation, so don’t you want your student to be ready for a new world out there?
- Understand your own experience with difference. Similar to the comments above, it is important to understand where you are at in relation to openness to diversity and difference. It is great to meet students who have parents active in diverse workplaces and organizations, this often times has laid a groundwork for an open and accepting student into college. But if you/your family isn’t as positive, check your prejudice and stereotypes at the door.
- Your student will change; it’s natural. We have all heard the phrase “our world is becoming more diverse”. It is true. And because of that, as students experience college, they will change. They change because of the academic knowledge they obtain, but they also change based on positive and negative experiences with others. Understanding that your students perspectives on others different from them will change over time makes the growing process that much easier.
Even at this stage in my career, and at this point in society, I often have students approach me at the end of the school year or the end of a work contract and tell them that I am the first gay person they have ever met. I always come back really quickly and tell that I am probably the first openly gay person they have met, but rather that they probably know many other gay people….but that the difference is not so obvious. I still find myself amazed that at 18 years old, in 2010, that I could be the first person that they know to be gay.
Still, it is important that I recognize and celebrate this difference and new experience for the students I encounter. It is through these experiences that I can help students and their families grow and change towards a more accepting attitude, but it also helps me grow and change into a more sharing individual. I hope these tips for both student and family can make your own personal experiences that much more positive. As always, I welcome comments and feedback below!
Mickey Fitch is a higher education professional who has crafted her career around the residence life experience on the college campus. Mickey loves to tell stories and help students make the most of their residential experience on campus. A native to the upper Midwest, Mickey is currently undergoing a job search to find her opportunity to serve in residence life. On the personal side, Mickey is an avid fisherman and outdoorswoman and is currently engaged in a life-changing health and fitness journey! You can learn more about her at mickeyfitch.weebly.com.
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