Higher Ed Life Coach » Uncategorized

Thanks for Visiting, But…

Sean Cook — Fri, 08 Apr 2011 21:46:21 +0000

Sean Cook, M. Ed., Certified Life Purpose and Career Coach

This blog is currently on hiatus as I prioritize my efforts on my other site, HigherEdCareerCoach.Com.

I am looking for regular guest contributors and will be setting up an “article submission” process and a more detailed page of subjects and writing prompts soon. If you would like to be notified, join the Higher Ed Life Coach mailing list.

If you work in at a college or university, are a student leader, or are a speaker, coach or consultant with ideas about ways to help college students and their supporters (family, friends, etc.) make successful transitions to, through, and out of college, please contact me at sean@higheredcareercoach.com

In the meantime, here are some great sites I recommend you visit instead.

The Opportunities Proj ect (by Coach Tracy Brisson) http://opportunitiesproject.com/
HallieCrawford.Com
University Parent
Declaration of Interdependence (by Mallory Bower)
Mickey Fitch’s website

Webinar to be Rescheduled

Sean Cook — Wed, 15 Dec 2010 14:43:44 +0000

The “Let them Choose” webinar recently announced on this blog is being rescheduled for sometime in mid- to late-January. Please check back for a new date soon.

Thanks to all of those who expressed interest in this program! We are looking forward to your participation in the new year.

Happy holidays!

College Student Development: Moving from Autonomy to Interdependence

Sean Cook — Sat, 28 Nov 2009 19:10:19 +0000

Moving Through Autonomy Toward Interdependence

“This vector involves development of emotional autonomy, goals development, and recognition of one’s interdependence with others. Development of emotional autonomy involves a gradual decrease in the need for approval and reassurance of others, toward independence and self-regulation. Students typically move away from dependence on parents to increased reliance on peers. Goals development involves the growth of self-direction, and includes the ability to identify resources, seek help from appropriate people, and use systematic problem-solving methods. Recognition of interdependence follows from independence as the student finds a middle ground between being one’s own person and slavish conformity.”–Quoted from An Introduction to Student Development Theory by Residence Life at Central Michigan University

When planning for college, students and their parents spend a lot of time making sure they are prepared for the academic rigors of college…SAT and ACT prep courses, getting books and assistance for college essays, understanding financial aid, and visiting colleges so they can understand what different schools have to offer.

It’s easy to equate college success with the academic aspects of university life, but that’s only part of the picture. As mentioned in earlier posts of this series on Chickering’s 7 Vectors of Development, Developing Competence and Managing Emotions are equally important parts of the picture. Another aspect that deserves attention is the development of autonomy and moving toward more interdependent relationships.

You declare a major in college so you can learn a specialty. Everything else you do relates to something more holistic: becoming a healthy, well-balanced, fully functioning adult. A key part of this is the pursuit of autonomy.

Today’s students and parents often struggle with traditional boundaries that earlier generations took for granted. In many ways, they are closer than previous generations; a reality made possible by advances in technology…cell phones, e-mail, Facebook, and Twitter have made communicating easier and cheaper than ever. According to a report by the College Parents of America almost three-quarters of parents communicate with their college student at least two to three times weekly; one-third communicate daily. This is a stark contrast from when I was in college, in the latter part of the 80s and early 90s. I went to school in my own hometown, and there were weeks and maybe even months I barely spoke to my parents…and they both worked on campus!

Do Helicopter Parents Impede Their Students' Progress Toward Autonomy?

While some studies actually show that students with involved parents do well in school and are satisfied with their college experience, some educators (myself included) believe that over-involved parents (often referred to in higher ed circles as “helicopter parents,” because they constantly hover over their children) can interfere with their student’s normal development.

I base my belief on real-life experience working with college students for over a generation. During my last five years especially, it became more common for me to hear first about a student problem from a parent…usually the mother of a young man living in one of my residence halls. Parent approaches varied widely, from “I just want to know how to help him” to “Fix this problem now!… And don’t tell him I called!” Either way, the student wasn’t taking charge of his or her own life, and that is what I found perplexing.

College students are afforded adult rights and with them come adult responsibilities. The drive of the parent to fix the problem was understandable, but (in my mind) a bit misplaced. In many cases, I was able to give parents the information they needed, as well as the reassurance that the situations their students were experiencing were normal, and that with encouragement from their parents, they could handle the situations themselves.

While there is much hand-wringing in some higher ed circles about helicopter parents and the challenges they present to administrators, I believe most of these can be addressed by simply listening to their concerns and helping them know what their students need to take responsibility for, if they are to be well-adjusted adults. In the end, helicopter parents don’t hover because they want to be pains in the butt. They hover because they deeply care for their children, and want the best for them.

In my work with students and parents, I hope to help them find better, more balanced approaches that empower the student while being appropriately supportive. My hope is to find ways that honor the parent’s good intentions (to protect their child from harmful situations) while placing situations into context (i.e., realizing the difference between harmful situations and normal developmental challenges.)

I call the model I am working on Perimeter Parenting. It’s an approach that aspires to correct some of the concerns caused by so-called “helicopter parenting,” by helping parents understand what kinds of situations represent normal developmental challenges for their college student, in contrast to situations that are threatening and potentially harmful. This approach recognizes that even when parents respond in overblown or inappropriate ways to situations in their student’s lives, that their motivations are generally pure. They want to protect their children from harm, and make sure they can make the best of their college years. The goal of Perimeter Parenting is to teach parents ways to be supportive, encouraging, and helpful, while allowing their students to experience the challenges that will teach adult coping skills, and help them become more competent, and more confident in their abilities.

In later posts, I will expand upon this idea of Perimeter Parenting, and propose ways that parents and students can reframe their relationships and communication patterns and establish healthy boundaries that allow more autonomy to the student, while encouraging them to seek assistance when necessary, and to share their own thoughts, experiences, and questions with their parents, as they work through everyday college issues and make progress toward becoming healthy, fully functioning and well-adjusted adults.

Sean Cook is a Life, Career and Transition Coach, specializing in work with College Students, Their Parents, and Higher Education professionals. He offers 1-on-1 coaching to assist students in making the most of their college experience, and to parents, in making successful life transitions when their students go off to college.

Some Quick Updates

Sean Cook — Fri, 30 Oct 2009 03:46:14 +0000

Thanks to all who expressed interest in the free life and career coaching. I have now exceeded the number of clients I need to meet with for certification, and do not have any further openings for free coaching.

If you are interested in one-on-one coaching around life, transition, and career issues, and you are a college student, or parent, please contact me for a basic consultatio and/or to get on my waiting list. I expect to be able to take on an initial client load of 10 to 15 clients starting in January. If interested, contact me and we can go over what to expect, rates, etc.

The big news from Happy Valley this week (or at least MY news from Happy Valley this week) is that I will be leaving Penn State early next month, after 14 and a half years (mostly good ones), and relocating to Athens, GA, so me and my wife and kids can be closer to our extended families. We found a great house and it even looks like we might be able to sell our current one soon enough. I’m looking forward to warmer weather and giving this whole business thing a good honest try.

I’ll miss my friends and colleagues, but I won’t miss winters up here, and I am so looking forward to the changes that will come with not being part of a big beaureaucracy or being “on call” for campus emergencies. Wish me luck!

In other news, I am lining up some possible guest bloggers for this site and for HigherEdCareerCoach.com during my packing and moving period. If you work in higher education or have some great perspectives to share, send me a message at sean@higheredlifecoach and we can talk.

Twitter Weekly Updates for 2009-08-21

Sean Cook — Fri, 21 Aug 2009 13:30:00 +0000

Student Issues Explorer: What will determine your happiness in college? – http://shar.es/Uz1A #
Are You a Helicopter Parent? – http://shar.es/U0Uc #
The First Day of the Rest of Your Life – http://shar.es/U0Dq #
test #

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